Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Division of Labor

I am stealing this idea from Laura at The Diniwilks. I think it's not going to look good for me once I get it all written out, but, in an effort of full disclosure (would you like my social security number too?) I figured I should let you know how it really is at the home of Charley and her parents.

Child care: For the most part, this is me. I made all of the decisions on baby stuff to buy and what not to use. I run things by him on occasion, but for the most part he practices a "you did the research and I trust your judgement" type thing. It was a joint decision on who keeps Charley during the days while we work (hi sister!) and whose insurance she goes on (mine, cheaper). He takes her to my sister's in the morning, and I do the afternoon pickup. We both change diapers and feed Charley. I do all of her doctor's appointments. I take more control over dressing her. Occasionally I have to revisit some already decided things with him like not forward-facing her car seat until two (, also, internal decapitation. I feel very strongly about this one).

Time off: We both work M-F 8-5, but for the meantime I've worked out a 4:00 leave time. With the drive to get Charley in the afternoons, we normally get home around the same time. So in the evenings, we pretty much split it all. I start to feed Charley while John eats (he eats fast) and then he comes and finishes while I eat. It's a toss up on baths and bedtime stuff, although I more often take the bedtime routine because I like it. On the weekends, we try to do the thing where we each get a morning to sleep in, but usually we both get up anyways. We often have plans to do stuff without the other, so I think it's pretty even who stays with Charley and who goes out to golf, shop, etc.

If Charley is sick, it's a toss up. I have to take a vacation day or one of my (coughcough) personal sick days if I need to stay home. John can sort of work from home, so if he stays with her he can still maybe get some of his work done. Neither of us have a good option in this case to be honest. Come on workplaces! Give the families a break!

Food: We each do grocery shopping - it just depends on who wants to go or has the time. Sometimes we like to go as a family. As far as cooking, I've mentioned before how John does the majority of that. But lately as we've been living with my parent's for a week now (oh! did I forget to tell you that?) it seems like I've done the majority since I've gotten home first. John cooks better stuff and is less stressy about doing it, so I still prefer him to do it. We are all equal opportunity eaters. (Except for vegetables, Charley and John can have at those. I do not need veggie equality.)

Housecleaning: John and I have very different styles when it comes to housecleaning, therefore he ends up doing more. Much like with anything else in his life, he has no patience. So, if a counter top is cluttered or a floor is messy, he must clean it now and he doesn't much care if while "cleaning" he puts things in their appropriate place. No drawer or closet is off limits. I however, can deal with some clutter and general mess until I get the time and the urge to do it RIGHT. I like to wait for a weekend or a nap time to do it. But, since Mr. Impatient has been shoving stuff into drawers all week by the time Saturday gets here, I end up doing nothing, or undoing John's doing. Make sense?

To break it down further- we both do laundry. John is better about actually putting stuff away. I am better about actually hanging or folding things immediately to avoid wrinkles. We both do dishes, but I think John does them more. John takes out all trash unless it's a solo stinky diaper which I will take out as they come. Both do floors. John does bathroom cleaning. I LOATHE that, and my arms are just too weak to wash those shower walls. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) John makes the bed more often. I rarely even do that. Sorry, Mama!

Pets: John has always been the pet take-r care-r of-er. He bathes the cats, brushes the cats, feeds the cats and de-pee and poops the litter box for the cats. I just take cute pictures of them. I'd say that's about even, right?


House decorating: I'd love to be able to say all me and call it a day. For the most part, yes, I can say that. But for whatever reason, he DOES have an opinion on some things. What? No. Just let me do it. Gahhh.

Yard work: We didn't really have a yard at the townhouse, especially after we got rid of our tiny bit of grass in lieu of pine needles. I did all the flower planting and upkeep and most of the flower watering. John did mulch or cut the weeds. When we do have a real yard, he'll also be doing the grass cutting unless he outsources the job to my dad and his wide array of lawn equipment.

photo 2
That's not even a lawn mower, but he does have lawn mower equipment too. I just needed a picture, and this seems lawn mower-y, right?

Communications: I do the majority of the communicating. Since John is very anti-Facebook or social media, I handle and friend plans that comes through there. I send the Christmas cards and all that. John does handle communicating with his own dad and family, but even that's pretty rare. We both are in constant contact with my family.

Finances: We have a joint account and a joint savings. Once we get settled in the new house and figure out our new budget and all, we've considered getting our own accounts for our own fun money. But, while we are still saving like crazy there is no room for fun money so no need to open those accounts yet. I have always done the budget and kept track of the bills and all. Recently, John has been interested in actually knowing how much we have and what we have to pay and how much should we transfer to savings, etc. We have a shared google doc that outlines all of that for us that we both access all of the time. I don't mind sharing the information with him, but now it's a lot harder to make secret purchases without him knowing. Not that I EVER did that though, of course.

Activities: Me. All me. John is not so much an activity person. I keep thinking this might change when we have a bigger kid, but for now, any family activities are planned by me, and a lot of the time John doesn't even attend. Ha! I'll take my sisters or parents or something.

Who wears the pants: John. (okay, stop your laughter. You all know how we women do. We let them take the pants wearing fame, while we really are sewing the pants behind the scenes. Like, sure, you are wearing the pants, but you better wear the pants as I (secretly) say or else I'll sew the next pair a little too snug for your liking.)

Heh. Once I got it all written out, it looks fairly even. But, I do think that I have a husband that does far more than most do, and I know I am spoiled. I like it and love him for it. I can't wait for him to anonymously comment on this. My guess is he'll comment on the fact that I claim I secretly sew the pants for the pants-wearing, but yet I cannot even sew and he can. It's a metaphor John, a METAPHOR!


Laura Diniwilk said...

Dang girl, that was quick! I would love to have a husband who cooks, that sounds divine. A+, John!

Joy said...

TOO funny!!! I can relate on a lot of these (like when I clean, i like to put things where they go) but I will never tell Danny he wears the pants!! ha ha!! :-) Y'all are a good team!!!

Kara Keenan said...

I loved this prompt too.

Mama Tully said...

Just came over here via the Diniwilks! I find these posts so interesting. Although, I do get a bit jealous when I read about the husbands who do grocery shopping, cooking, or cleaning. That sounds dreamy! I'm mainly a stay at home mom, so our breakdown is VERY traditional looking with me doing all the cooking, laundry, childcare, household decisions, etc... and he working outside the home, dealing with our finances, yardwork, etc... But that works for us for now with our children being so young. I imagine that it will change slightly as they become school aged though, if I were to go back to work.

Diana said...

Lawn mowery? Heavy equipment,sure, haha.
And yes, sounds like you lucked out with John.

MillerMama said...

STOP STEALING MY LIFE! This is almost exactly how it goes at my house too, except I am always on cat poop duty. Or is that doody?...