Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Being Neighborly

I'm not a good neighbor, y'all. It's not that I would let that burglar break into your  home without me doing something (calling someone, preferably) or that I am having loud raging parties until 4 in the morning, but, I'm just not that friendly. And it's not because I don't like my neighbors, because I do from what little exchanges we have had. It's just that I'm kind of shy. I've been faking being a not-shy person for over 10 years now. Fake it until  you make it, right? Well, I can fake all I want. Shyness is in my blood and it's not going to go away.

Anyways, so I'm shy and don't speak much. John speaks enough for the both of us, and I don't care if they think he has a weird wife. If it saves me from having to have that forced conversation on my porch every day, then so be it. I can definitely be weird, no problem.

Plus, we are planning to move really soon. (I'll  update you soon about that...I'm so so afraid of jinxing anything else that I'm waiting a bit longer before I give updates.) So, if we aren't going to be there much longer, why would I all of a sudden try to form great friendships with neighbors that will soon no longer be our neighbors? Beats me!

Side note: When we move, my parents will be our neighbors and I like them. Whew. Also, these will be our other neighbors:

In case you didn't watch that, our other neighbors will be trees and a rooster. I can talk to trees and/or a rooster all day long. See, I'm not weird at all!

Back to the story. So, about a month ago we noticed that one used-to-be normal neighbor was acting not so normal anymore. She had a semi-new boyfriend living with her now, and the two of them would argue in the parking lot all the dang time. Very bizarre, as I prefer to have my arguments not in public. But whatever works for them. If they need to argue with an audience, I'll be that perfect audience member peering through my blinds to watch them. Allegedly. And when they weren't arguing, they constantly had the hoods up on their cars or were re-pumping their tires up. Lots of car trouble I suppose.

So then one morning John had to go to the ATM on his way to work. As he is driving around the bank to get to the ATM, he notices Crazy Neighbors in the parking lot with what looked like car trouble once again. But, they had other people parked next to them helping it seemed, so John waved like a good neighbor and went on to work.

This particular day Charley was sick so I stayed home with her. I guess Crazy Neighbors got their car trouble figured out because both cars were back by the time I woke up. Also, they were both in the parking lot with a pile of luggage and beachy looking things next to them. He was now working on his car with the hood up. Mind you, working on your cars in the parking lot is against our homeowner's policy. But, I decided not to report them because it looked as if they were getting ready to go to the beach and had more car trouble all of a sudden. I felt for them, and I checked on them periodically through the blinds. You know, just trying to be a better neighbor and all.

Another reason I'm a terrible neighbor: I'm a creep that takes pictures of you to text to John.

They were out there for HOURS. He underneath the hood, and her sitting on the sidewalk next to all of their stuff. It was literally 5 hours or something that she sat there. Occasionally she'd get up, walk up to him working on the car, and have a screaming match with him complete with waving-arms-in-a-negative-fashion body language. I wish I could hear what they were saying! But, our insulation must be doing it's job because I couldn't make it out. She was also crying/sobbing and blowing her nose in a paper towel. My ears may not be good, but my eyesight was killer! This fight was a doozy.

A few hours later I had to leave the house. So Charley and I got into our car which was right next to broken down car he's working on. I half smile at them, and he says "Finally done!" and I assume he thinks I've seen them out there all day. I mean, I wasn't watching them through the blinds all day long!? Why did he even say that? Also, as I get in my car, I notice lots of debris around the front of his car. Looks like bits of plastic broken up all over the ground.

I get back home and they are still out there and still arguing. I go inside. Their argument gets louder and I can make out what they are saying now. "It's probably someone around here! They all hate you anyways!" "Oh yeah, like who!?" I peek out just as Male Crazy Neighbor points to our house. "Well what about them!? That a-hole and the effing wife you hate!?" GASP! That's me! She doesn't just think I'm weird, she hates me!

Fast forward a few hours. I'd been keeping John up to date on their antics all day long while he was at work. So he knew something was up when he got home at 5:30 and they were still in the parking lot. The man said something to John as he was walking in, but John didn't understand it so he kept going in. But then, like a typical man, found a reason to go back out to see what the deal was. He went to check the mail, and as he came back in, the man started talking to John. Asked him why he didn't stop at the bank this morning. John said because someone was already helping them. Starts accusing John and the rest of the neighborhood about not being neighborly. And then, the crazy happened.

Says that someone has been planting tracking devices and cameras in their cars. Thinks they are tracking their every move and broadcasting it all on the internet. (Who would talk about them on the internet, for goodness sakes?!) Says he had spent all day under the hood of his car pulling out plastic tracking device disks. Apparently they are gold if you'd like to check your own vehicles for such devices. Thinks its us since we just so happen to be around every time they have car issues. (Um, maybe because the majority happen in the parking lot and we LIVE there, no??) Female Crazy Neighbor says (through sobs) that she's been calling the police and FBI to try and get them to investigate and no one cares. John realizes there is no point in fighting crazy, and makes amends with the guy and shakes his hand in order to not be the enemy of crazy. We have a baby to keep safe, after all.

Basically, they must be on drugs to be that paranoid and psycho. Female Crazy Neighbor has only recently been crazy. She's been here for all 5 years we've lived here and we've never had any issues. Drugs are bad, bad things.

They finally left and went to the beach (I'm assuming) for a week. It was a glorious week and all of our other neighbors rejoiced in the peacefulness of it all. But then they came back and started giving us all dirty glary looks in the parking lots again. It was very uncomfortable and I wished they'd leave again. They were sarcastically waving to me as I'd leave in the mornings (I'd see them in my mirrors) because I wasn't being neighborly and greeting them. They really are always in the parking lot I tell you. I wished and wished that they'd just leave. And then...

That afternoon as I was driving home I passed an accident. 3 cars. A series of rear-endings. Guess who was at the back of the rear-endedness? Yep. Male Crazy Neighbor. His car was toast. Once again, I was there when they had car issues. Was it really us!? [I don't think he saw me though.]

That must have pushed them over the edge though. The next day, they packed up lots of suitcases and left and haven't been back yet. Someone was out to get them in our neighborhood and they weren't going to stick around and let it happen. I just hope they stay gone until we can get outta there. I mean, I would hate for whoever is out to get them to try the same stuff on us! Can you imagine someone broadcasting pictures and videos of my life all over the internet?!


Andrea Stephenson said...

That is an awesome story. Hopefully they don't come back for a very long time.

MillerMama said...

Wow. That is a WHOLE lotta crazy.

Trisha Newman said...

Definitely some craziness. Geesh.
I am the same too though, shy. Hubby is the talkative one and can strike up a conversation just like that and talk with a stranger for a length of time.
I prefer to keep to myself. :)

Jessica said...

Wow. I'd definitely be in a hurry to move away from those neighbors.

Laura Diniwilk said...

I am so sorry, but I totally laughed when they said "that a-hole and the effing wife you hate," because I was picturing your reaction. WHO HATES JOHN AND LACEY? These people are clearly crazy. You can not move soon enough.

I also totally love that you DID broadcast their every move on the internet, at least that particular day. The FBI is gonna get you!

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

That is INSANE! The whole thing!

Being a neighbor is really new to me and I stress out about it all the time. Perhaps I will have to write about my recent neighbor experience. It's not nearly as entertaining though. And it turns that the crazy one in the story? Is me.

Can't wait to hear about your new digs!!!

Shell said...

Sounds like someone thought they were being set up on an episode of Cheaters!

Heather said...

Holy cow! That's a whole lotta crazy.