While I have been very lucky to drop all of the baby weight without an ounce of effort (well, the scale says it's gone...the extra pooch on my stomach begs to differ), I still would like to lose about 10 more pounds to get me back closer to wedding weight. But the motivation just isn't there for me.
There are tons of blogs and websites that will tell you exactly what you need to do to diet and/or change your lifestyle. I'm not going to contribute to that plethora of information. Instead, I'm going to explain how NOT to diet and NOT change your lifestyle because this is the field of which I am an expert.
- DO NOT make a weekly grocery list and ensure that you have enough lunches and dinners for the week. If you don't, you'll no doubt end up needing to eat out for at least 50% of your weekly meals due to poor planning.
- Also, when you do have to go out to eat, DO NOT go to a healthy place. They take so much longer than fast food, which means you'd have to be out longer and therefore not sitting in your office chair or on your couch for that much longer. Fast food = faster you can get your rump back in a chair.
- Since going out to eat costs money, DO NOT pass up using coupons and gift cards during those weeks where funds are a bit tight. If it's a toss up between ordering a grilled chicken sandwich from LaVecchia's for regular price, or going to use your $10 gift card at Salsarita's, it's automatically a given to go use your gift card.
- DO NOT order healthy items, such as grilled chicken.
- If you must order grilled chicken, DO smother it underneath tortilla chips, refried beans, queso, sour cream, salsa and shredded cheese. DO, DO, DO.
- DO consider salsa to be your daily vegetable intake.
- When you get to the register to pay with your gift card and they ask if you'd like a drink, DO order one. After all, it's free and if you didn't order a soda, you'd have to make the walk to refill your water bottle when you get back to your desk. We wouldn't want that to put ourselves through that much exertion, now would we?
- When you are eating your nachos, DO be sure to eagle eye spot any chunks of onion used in the salsa and properly dispose of them. Ew.
- DO make sure you leave just enough queso, shredded cheese, and refried beans to pile up on your last chip. That last bite should be the best one of all because it will linger in your mouth for a while.
- If for some reason you missed a chunk of onion in your very last bite and now have a lingering onion taste in your mouth (CURSES!), DO make sure to then go buy a cookie or brownie for dessert to replace that oniony taste.
Questions? Comments? I really am an expert at this NOT dieting stuff, so I'll be glad to help any of the rest of you if you'd like to join me. Misery loves company, after all.