Thursday, May 10, 2012

How NOT to Diet

I know how to lose weight. I lost 20 pounds before my wedding doing Weight Watchers and never exercised even once. Which means that the major player in my fat game is what I eat. & while I know this, I still seem to slip up, er, royally screw up a lot of the time. I just like yummy, fatty food too much.

While I have been very lucky to drop all of the baby weight without an ounce of effort (well, the scale says it's gone...the extra pooch on my stomach begs to differ), I still would like to lose about 10 more pounds to get me back closer to wedding weight. But the motivation just isn't there for me.

There are tons of blogs and websites that will tell you exactly what you need to do to diet and/or change your lifestyle. I'm not going to contribute to that plethora of information. Instead, I'm going to explain how NOT to diet and NOT change your lifestyle because this is the field of which I am an expert.

  • DO NOT make a weekly grocery list and ensure that you have enough lunches and dinners for the week. If you don't, you'll no doubt end up needing to eat out for at least 50% of your weekly meals due to poor planning.
  • Also, when you do have to go out to eat, DO NOT go to a healthy place. They take so much longer than fast food, which means you'd have to be out longer and therefore not sitting in your office chair or on your couch for that much longer. Fast food = faster you can get your rump back in a chair.
  • Since going out to eat costs money, DO NOT pass up using coupons and gift cards during those weeks where funds are a bit tight. If it's a toss up between ordering a grilled chicken sandwich from LaVecchia's for regular price, or going to use your $10 gift card at Salsarita's, it's automatically a given to go use your gift card. 
  • DO NOT order healthy items, such as grilled chicken.
  • If you must order grilled chicken, DO smother it underneath tortilla chips, refried beans, queso, sour cream, salsa and shredded cheese. DO, DO, DO.
  • nachos
  • DO consider salsa to be your daily vegetable intake. 
  • When you get to the register to pay with your gift card and they ask if you'd like a drink, DO order one. After all, it's free and if you didn't order a soda, you'd have to make the walk to refill your water bottle when you get back to your desk. We wouldn't want that to put ourselves through that much exertion, now would we?
  • When you are eating your nachos, DO be sure to eagle eye spot any chunks of onion used in the salsa and properly dispose of them. Ew.
  • DO make sure you leave just enough queso, shredded cheese, and refried beans to pile up on your last chip. That last bite should be the best one of all because it will linger in your mouth for a while.
  • If for some reason you missed a chunk of onion in your very last bite and now have a lingering onion taste in your mouth (CURSES!), DO make sure to then go buy a cookie or brownie for dessert to replace that oniony taste.
Questions? Comments? I really am an expert at this NOT dieting stuff, so I'll be glad to help any of the rest of you if you'd like to join me. Misery loves company, after all.


Trisha Newman said...

Love it. Although I like onions and have no one to impress so I'm okay with my onion breath. I'd get the brownie anyway. :)

I too lost majority of the baby weight (50lbs!) rather quickly and easily, and without dieting. Now I also need to get back to my wedding-weight. So far I've lost a whole 13lbs! And that's just calorie counting. I haven't been exercising. I had all intentions of joining the gym but I just can't find the time in the evenings and we tend to travel back and forth across the state on the weekends.

I've been using MyFitnessPal online and on my phone. Did you end up joining Weight Watchers like you mentioned previously?

Lacey said...

I've been halfway using MyFitness Pal too on my phone. I really like it, just my motivation isn't there yet. I did join weight watchers but then dropped out after a month...ha!

Trisha Newman said...

I did WW several years ago when I was in Wisconsin, for several months and did okay with it. I just didn't want to pay for it again when I already know the basics. And it's nice to have a free tool like MFP.

And I agree, the motivation is very difficult to obtain and sustain. My tummy should be motivation enough, or even bathing suit season. But sadly, no.

Now I want nachos!

MillerMama said...

I love nachos, hate oniony chunks, and have no self control. We would be dangerous eating together.

Missy said...

Dieting is overrated! Honestly I have never counted calories and I pretty much eat what I want. I just try to stay on the healthy side and I ended up running everything off anyways. I think you look great Lacey!

Shannon said...

I am seriously craving nachos! Mexican is the one thing I really miss while dieting. Maybe I'll have to take your advice and not diet for a day.

Hunter and his family... said...

I hear ya, Lacey! My biggest barrier was the breastfeeding and be so hungry all the time. Now that its slowed down alot, I'm starting to do better and exercise daily (maybe 30 min.,if I have time). You look great. Technically it hasn't been a full 10 months since we have had our babies and they say that is when the weight comes off.