Monday, September 19, 2011

Charley's Birth: Part I

A little warning to my peeps: I am an over-sharer by nature, and I'm not really going to restrict myself when telling the story of Charley's birth either. If you are weirded out by that type of thing, or are so squeamish that just reading a story about blood and other bodily fluids is going to cause you harm, I'd skip this series if I were you.

And for those of you who are sticking around...a series, you ask? Well, why not drag this out into a 3 part series! One of my favorite birth stories I've ever read was done as a series so I'm going to copy her and do the same. On top of being an over-sharer, I tend to drag a story out. And what better story is there to drag out than a birth story. So, lets start on Saturday, September 3rd, 2011.

[Also, since I don't believe in pictureless blogs, I decided to reenact some scenes in this portion of the story since taking pictures wasn't on the forefront of my mind during all of this.]

It's a typical Saturday in our home. I am 38 weeks pregnant and haven't had the slightest hint of labor starting. In fact, at my appointment on Wednesday of the prior week, I still hadn't made any progress and was maybe a fingertip dilated according to my doctor. For my male readers or even female readers that aren't familiar with pregnancy stuff, let me break that down for you in layman's terms: My doctor shoves her hand UP the canal Charley will soon be coming DOWN, feels around for my cervix, and measures how open or closed my cervix is. Luckily, they have a pretty good feel of what 1 centimeter, 2 centimeters, etc. feels like because shoving a [metric] ruler and a flashlight up there may get a bit crowded and uncomfortable.

Anyways, back to Saturday. I slept in and had an appointment to get my hair cut at 10:00 that morning. My hairdresser is also pregnant and due one week after me, so I made sure to get this haircut scheduled before I had Charley so I wouldn't have to wait for my hairdresser to be back from her maternity leave as well. This may have been the best timed haircut ever.

After I get back home with fabulous hair, John and I start working on some unfinished projects in the nursery and around the house. Around 3:00, we start making a curtain to replace the closet door in the nursery. We spend about an hour measuring fabric, hemming all four sides, and finally hanging the curtain. After the curtain is hung, we use the last bit of fabric leftover from the curtains to make a tieback for the curtain. At this point, our project stalls because we then need a hook in which to attach the tieback to. John mentally starts making a list for Home Depot.
The finished product, after hook is installed.
We both move on to different projects and start cleaning up our house a bit. It's a disaster to say the least. As John works on his different projects, his mental list for Home Depot lengthens and finally he decides to drive the half mile to Home Depot to get what he needs. It's about 4:30 in the afternoon.

Meanwhile, I am wandering around looking for tape. Why is it that you can never find the roll of tape when you need it? I'm sure I'm muttering something about blaming John for misplacing it and I get up from the desk in our bedroom to go to look elsewhere for tape. As I walk by the bathroom door, I feel a pop, and a warm gush flood down my legs. Luckily, the bathroom is 2 leaps to my right and I quickly maneuver myself off of the carpet and onto the lovely laminate [and more importantly non-stainable] flooring of the bathroom.

As I rush over to the toilet, I take notice of the color of the fluid which now coats the bathroom floor and is quickly filling the toilet. It's red. Blood red. Oh. Shit.

So I stay on the toilet for a few minutes because frankly, unless I want my home to be covered in blood, there isn't much else I can do because it is pouring out of me. I'm pretty sure I was saying out loud, "John come home, please. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do???" It's been about 5 minutes and there is no sign of John. I decide I need to make a run for it and go get my cell phone. My cell phone's location: in my purse downstairs.

I feel like there is a lull in the leaking so I decide to run downstairs pantsless. I'm dripping a tiny bit, but that's obviously the least of my worries. I get halfway down the stairs, and thus halfway to my destination and see this:


Door's wide open with just the storm door shut. Again, normally I would not have cared, but we live in a townhouse which means neighbors are awfully close. And said neighbor that is awfully close is having a Labor Day party and has friends over. Said friends are mingling right outside of his door, which, is coincidentally right outside of my door. I think it through, and flashing neighbors was not on my list of things to do today and abort mission. I head back to my thinking throne: the toilet.

This time I realize I need to clothe my bottom half. But to put clothes on would mean that I would then need to have clean clothes to PUT on. Laundry was one of those items on my Saturday to-do list that I hadn't yet got to. So, instead I am forced to shove my big butt in some underwear that no longer fit due to the massive swelling of my butt. Yes, swelling. Surely it was just butt-water-weight from this pregnancy and not butt fat. [Humor me.] On top of squeezing my butt into the too-small undies, I also add 2 pads and finally some pants. Mission is a go and I make a run for it...

I don't have much time as I can feel the blood now soaking through my layers. But I make it to the door first and shut it just in case I decide to run around naked again. Then I grab my phone and call John immediately.


His phone is on the coffee table.

Back to the thinking throne.

At this point I know it's time to just call my doctor. I was instructed that if I ever went into labor to call the doctor first before heading to the hospital so as I sit leaking on the toilet, this is what I do. It's after-hours of course, so finally I get a nurse on the line and she begins asking me questions to determine what is going on with me. I'm feeling better already.

Meanwhile, John finally makes it back home while I'm still chatting it up with the on-call nurse. He begins to climb the stairs and I hear "What is all of this water on the stairs!?" (The stairs have a dark stain on them and so the blood red color wasn't immediately noticeable and he just assumed water.) He then hears my voice and comes into the bathroom to see why 1) am I ignoring his question and 2) I'm talking on the phone on the toilet. He is quickly freaking out after he sees the blood all over the place and just-shy-of-a-scream shouts "WHAT IS GOING ON!?" His worry is all over his face.

Now, I do feel bad about this next part. You see, I'm not a good multi-tasker while on the phone. If I'm on the phone with someone and then the person I'm with tries talking to me simultaneously, I cannot focus. I usually end up ignoring the in-person person because I can only give my full attention to one person at a time, and at this time that person was the nurse on the phone. I could not figure out how to answer poor John's query while still answering questions the nurse was asking me. So he just stood there staring at me and waiting on my reply until I got off the phone. I do feel really bad for letting him stand there and worry, but after I got off the phone, his worry quickly changed to something else as the nurse said,

"Sounds like to me your water broke and you lost your mucous plug simultaneously. Head to the hospital, you are most likely having a baby today."

So, I got off the phone, informed John of our new afternoon project and ran around like a maniac trying to pack a hospital bag. Yeah, I hadn't really done that yet.

Ten minutes later we were on our way to the hospital with a half-assed packed hospital bag, a camera (thank goodness) and me leaking like a faucet while sitting upon two towels in John's brand new truck.  Good thing the hospital wasn't too far away because even though we are about to become parents, John is still really worried about the possibility of me staining his brand new truck. Oy vey.

To be continued....
Part 2


CJ said... funny!! Cant wait to hear parts 2 and 3. Oh and by the way...Nathanael was worried abt me staining his car seats also. Boys!

The Beane's said...

Hope parts 2 and 3 are coming soon!! Can't wait to hear the rest :)

Anonymous said...

Too funny! At least I now know what it's like for your water to break though! I can't wait to read the rest!


Missy said...

Holy cow! That was definitely unexpected! Can't wait to hear parts 2 and 3!

Kayla Rae said...

Your birth story already kicks my birth story's ass and this is only part one! Seriously Lacey you are so hilarious and your blog is my absolute favorite to read! Can't wait for part two :)