Thursday, June 16, 2011

Guilty!

I came up with this crazy idea on a drive home from work one day last week, and I think I may try to work it into regular rotation around here. I'm calling it "Guilty!" and it's basically me placing blame for anything and everything that may go wrong in my life on someone else. I think it will be a good release of harbored animosities I may have towards these people.

Today's theme will be this:

Those Guilty for Things I Have Lost That Have Been Lost

Because, let's be honest here - we all know that when something gets lost or misplaced, it's never your own fault. And for myself personally (and as you will soon find out) I never forget when I have lost something. It's like I'm on a quest for the rest of my life to recover lost items. But until they are recovered, I'm blaming these people:

Let's get the obvious one out of the way first:
john

NAME: John
OFFENSE(S): Well, where do I start...
  • Sometime in 2005: Left brown flip flop with Hawaiian-ish design on the bottom. I was forced to throw away the right flip flop because the left one mysteriously disappeared.
  • My March 2011 issue of All You magazine...complete with about $75 in coupons I never got to cut out.
  • During Christmas 2010, I gave several gift cards and bought some cute little gift card boxes to put them in. However, when I went to retrieve them and use them, the bag they were in was now missing. They didn't weigh enough for him to actually look through the bag before throwing it out apparently.
  • And there are tons more here, but I'm a forgiver/forgetter, so that's all I can come up with right now.
(clearly these were all things that were actually LOST and not that I lost.)

HIS SENTENCE: Continue putting up with your wife and her crazy pregnant hormones and emotions. But, you are definitely guilty, sir!

  
alison

NAME: Alison
OFFENSE: In the year 1995, Alison invited me to go along with her and her dad to a Carolina Panther's game during their inaugural season. They didn't have a stadium built yet, so they were playing at Clemson University in South Carolina, and there was a charter bus arranged to take us down there. I of course went with them and packed what every 13 year old girl would need for an entire day away from home: my beloved pink hair brush.

However, said pink hair brush did not make it home with me that day and was left in one of the overhead bins on the charter bus. Had Alison not invited me to that Panther's game, I may still have my most favoritest hairbrush of all times today.

HER SENTENCE: I sentence her to watching every single Carolina Panther's game this season (if there is a season) regardless of how bad they suck.


tracey
NAME: Tracey
OFFENSE(S): Tracey has borrowed not one, not two, but THREE items that I have not gotten back. Actually let's make that FOUR items because one of the three was a pair of socks, and a pair = 2 so FOUR things. Can you even believe her?
  • First (and second), Tracey was out on my side of town one night and called to ask a random question. She needed a pair of socks and fast. I assured her that I had a pair of socks she could borrow and she came over hastily and picked up a pair of baby blue, UNC Tarheels socks. I never saw those socks again, and even though I have grown out of wearing funky socks, I still remember them and hope they don't think I abandoned them.
  • Third, Tracey borrowed a black, lace halter from me in the year 2004. We went out with some friends to Rock Bottom Brewery that night and I remember thinking that I could just let her have that halter because it was too small for me anymore anyways and it still fit her perfectly. But darn it I never spoke those words to her so she clearly just kept it anyways because she had the same thought that she looked better in it than I did! She's ruthless, I tell you!
  • Finally, Tracey borrowed a tan shirt from me in 2003 sometime and I never got it back. Granted, we were living about 3 hours apart at the time, but what's a 3 hour drive when there's a shirt to give me that probably didn't even fit me anymore?  
HER SENTENCE: I sentence her to come over to my house and go ahead and take all of the things that don't fit me anymore. I'll promise not to call it "borrowing" this time too.



matt

NAME: Matt
OFFENSE: Matt is pretty awesome and has pretty awesome parents. I have mentioned before (don't judge me...those were blogs from the very beginning of Life of Lacey) that we have hung out on his parent's boat for different events here and there. These are always photo-worthy occasions, so I always bring my camera. Also, these were drink-worthy occasions, so maybe you know where I'm going with this.

In July 2009, I brought my brand new camera (a point and shoot kind) out to the lake even against John's wishes. "Just bring your old one...you don't want to mess up your brand new one on a boat during a drink fest!" But I didn't listen. I brought the new camera anyways that I had used to take approximately 10 pictures so far. The next morning, I awoke on the boat and the camera was no where to be found. John blamed me. I blame Matt.

How dare Matt invite me to something like this knowing I would lose something. Totally his fault.

HIS SENTENCE: Invite me to something else so I can prove that I am more responsible these days.

colt

NAME: Colt
OFFENSE: In or around 1992, Colt (my brother) and I were running around in the woods at our home playing with our walkie talkies. They were yellow and they were really cool. I don't know what we were walkie talkieing about, but at some point my walkie talkie became unclipped from my shorts and was dropped somewhere in the woods.

So I then found Colt in the woods through the old fashioned non-walkie-talkieing way of screaming, and we began to search for it. He still had his walkie talkie, and mine was presumably still turned on, so we walkied through his hoping to hear some talkieing coming from the woods around us. But after hours of searching, the walkie talkie was never to be found again.

How can I blame Colt when it was my walkie talkie that was lost? Well, it's simple. If he would have been walkie talkieing to me more often, I would have realized sooner that it was no longer clipped onto my shorts. He was being a slack walkie talkier, therefore his fault.

HIS SENTENCE: I would like for him to go back into the woods at our parent's house and find the long lost walkie talkie for me this weekend. Sure, it might be a little rusty, but I'm sure it's nothing a new battery couldn't fix!

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Am I the only one that never forgets things that have been lost? I just cannot stand to not know where something is, and it becomes my mission to find it one day. I may have to rent scuba gear and scour the bottom of a lake, or buy a gas mask and dig through a landfill to find some of these things, but if that's what it takes, then that's what I'll do.
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