Sunday, February 27, 2011

Love is Blind(s)

From my 101 list:

#32 - Replace all the broken blinds in our house - CHECK!

For three and a half years, we have lived in this house. And for three and a half years, I've had to photoshop the pictures that were taken downstairs in front of the windows. Because, you see, those blinds had been eaten by a ravenous blind dog that the previous tenant had. (Okay, he wasn't blind, but wouldn't that be ironic if he was?)

We bought this house from my sister who had been renting it out previously. After we closed, I'm pretty sure we just said we'd get the blinds fixed on our own, since it was my sister after all and she helped us out with the sale. It wasn't a blind spot that we overlooked, but we just thought we'd get to it sooner than we actually did.

So, in pictures that I've shared where the blinds look full and beautiful, I was actually robbing you blind. Because check out the before and after photoshop:

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Okay, obviously not a TRUE before/after, but you can see the difference using an outtake versus the one I did fix. I must have saved over the original by turning a blind eye to it.

Finally though, instead of just photoshopping the pictures every single time, we decided to do something about it. We took a blind date to Lowe's and purchased some new blinds a few weekends ago. When we got home, John took to installing the blinds right away. It would've been like the blind leading the blind, but John did actually know what he was doing, thankfully.

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It is amazing, Grace! I once was blind, but now I see!
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Happy Birthday Tuna!

Today (well yesterday at this point since I never finished this yesterday) is the birthday of a very important catperson. He is so important to my blog that I have officially dubbed him the Life of Lacey mascot. He brings the laughs when the blog needs laughs. He brings the cuteness when the blog needs cuteness. He is on top of his game and he knows it. Today, is THE Tuna's birthday.

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Tuna turns 6 today, which is 36 in cat years.

Which means we have enjoyed/endured 6 years of getting mats out of his fur, and when they got to be too difficult, taking drastic measures.

6 years of mandatory every other day litter box cleaning due to Tuna's princessy habits.

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Be assured that the Coors Light box is not his litter box, but just a cute stand-in picture since a picture of his litter box would be less than appealing.
 6 years of ensuring that we could not see the bottom of the food bowl or else an all out meow-fest ensued.

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Oh no, that is not acceptable. I will meow and meow until you either 1) add more food or 2) kick the bowl to fill in this hole. Don't play me. I'm not even kidding.
6 years of never having this princess (I say princess, but we all know he's a boy, right?) of a cat sit directly on our laps. If by chance there is a pillow in your lap, then yes, he will oblige and sit atop the pillow.

6 years of having to hide our hands under our pillows or under the covers in the mornings. Because, if Tuna is ready for breakfast, and any fingers are in plain sight, he will just start nibbling on those until we get up to feed him.

6 years of catbrotherly love/hate between him and Reese.

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6 years of wondering if Tuna would ever get to be grown-up sized. He's still a wee little runt.

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& 6 years of catly love, of course.

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Sure, Tuna has more quirks than he has pounds on the scale, and sure, him and his fur make us have to sweep more often than we would ever want to, but we love him. And since this is the first year I actually even knew which day was his birthday (due to me finding some old vet paperwork), we made this a really good one for him and gave him all the extra attention he deserved. And I probably screamed "IT'S THE BIRTHDAY BOY" every time he walked in to the room today and startled him...every single time. Just some good ol' birthday fun, that's all, Tuna!

So wish the Life of Lacey mascot eleventy million more years of life, because I can't even think about what we'd do without him. He's the bestest, and you know you love him too, even if you haven't ever met him and despise cats. Even the cat haters love Tuna.

Happiest Happy Birthday Teepers!
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Excuses

I have excuses for everything.

For example, you may ask, "Dear Lacey, why have you not updated your blog in over a week?" (besides that pesky little post you just did that answered this question.)

And I'd answer, "Because I've been working too much and I'm just so tired when I finally get home." (See that, that was TWO excuses in one.)

Then I'd also add (for good measure), that I've had some of the best blogging topics E-V-E-R lately and they just swirl around in my head and never get tapped out on the keyboard. If there was just a machine that could jot down my thoughts as I thunk 'em, this blog would be a hit.

Or you'd ask, "Lacey, how come you have skipped a few days in your 365 Day Photo Challenge?"

And I'd answer, because I haven't been feeling so great, and there are only so many interesting pictures you can take from the confines of one's bed or couch. Would changing the title to 357 Day Photo Challenge suit you better?"

And then you'd ask, "But Lacey, why are you so tired and sickly lately?"

And finally, I'd answer, "Because of this extra weight I've been carrying around."

Cause you see, dear readers, there's a baby in ma belly! (Well, I'm hoping that it's technically in my uterus and not my belly, but let's not get technical here. I mean, it's clearly my belly where I'm seeing the effects anyways.) And even though it's merely the size of a lime this week and a little over 1 inch long, this baby has been kicking my butt. 

Due September 17, 2011!
That little white hair there is courtesy of the one and only Tuna and his obsession with the printer/scanner.

And also, I have no idea what this picture is of (besides the baby, of course). So you don't have to pretend and say ohhh, so cute! Because I know, as well as you do, that it's looking like a blurry blob in the middle of some black stuff which is in the middle of some more blurry stuff right now.

But yes. I'm pregnant. 11 weeks and 1 day to be precise and if all goes as planned, this baby will be joining the world on September 17th, 2011. & if you try to be smart and use a reverse due date calculator and see any date in that range that may or may not be holy and assume negative things about me, I may just beat you up. That is a threat. (But not the kind that can get me arrested for communicating threats over the internet, your honor.)

You should feel special that I actually used the word 'pregnant' to announce to you, dear readers. Because, as I announced to my family, and announced to my workplace, and then even announced to facebook (oh yeah, I'm facebook official), I have yet to actually mutter that word. For some reason it makes me feel all weird and stuff. So I kinda have just been beating around the bush with my announcements and setting them up in a way that the only logical assumption would be that I am pregnant. I'm so mature I don't even know what to do with myself.

So let the judgement and advice-giving begin. I know that becoming a mother is when you officially tell the world - "PLEASE! Judge me and give me all the advice you have!" I have been judging all my life, so it only makes sense that it's time for me to move on to the other side. I cannot freaking wait for this part!

And, just to finish this out with another good excuse: Please don't hold my previous judging against me. I was just uninformed and I didn't know. I take it all back. I didn't give the side-eye to your screaming child in that restaurant! I didn't sigh somewhat aloud when you and your baby took the seat next to me on the train. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't! You have to believe me!
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Ketchup

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I realize that I once titled a blog post 'Ketchup' and now I'm reusing the name. & yes, you have no idea how much that bothers me. But regardless, how else was I supposed to title a quick little blog to tell you that I'm terribly sorry that I have been M.I.A. recently and I am about to catch you up, or ketchup. Get it? I'm too freaking funny and you know it.

So yes; expect an abundance of posts today for 2 reasons:

1) I have a kajillion drafts that are saved and are just waiting on some finishing touches that I need to finish and post.
2) Today I am actually not lying in a bed, but I've graduated to sitting in a chair. And lucky for you I am choosing the computer chair over the long, cushiony-type chair downstairs in front of the TV.

And plus, may I add a third reason and say that this month of February only has 2 blog posts so far, and that is my most pathetic showing since November of 2009 and that's totally not cool. I'm better than the November 2009 Lacey. WAY better.

So here goes...

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Lacey Show

Have you ever seen the movie 'The Truman Show'? If not, you should....it's one of my favorites. But if you haven't and don't want to run to rent it really quickly before reading this, I'll give you a quick synopsis:

Truman is a man living in a very predictable and perfect world. He says hi to the same neighbors each morning, buys the same newspaper and magazines at the same stand each morning, and comes home to a perfect home and wife each evening. He lives on an island and is afraid of the water and bridges so he never has the urge to leave or travel. The thing that Truman doesn't realize, however, is that he is the star of a 24 hour television channel/show where his life is what people tune in to watch. Everyone he knows and everything he does is planned by the island full of actors and actresses. At the end, Truman starts to figure out this secret and gets in a boat to leave this island and runs into a wall in the middle of the ocean. He then finds a stairway, climbs it, and exits a door that leads him out into the "real world." Turns out he had been living in a giant dome where everything was controlled, even down to the weather, his entire life.

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So anyways, now that you have the gist of it, lets get to my point.

Today was a beautiful day. It is the weekend, and it couldn't have been nicer for February. Bright, sunny skies, not too chilly, just perfect. Tomorrow is supposed to be much of the same. And, if I remember correctly, the last few weekends have been pretty darn nice too. I am thankful for the nice weather - don't get me wrong - but it makes me start to wonder.

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Because, it seems that when Monday rolls around it goes back to being cloudy and miserably cold. It stays that way all the way through Friday and then on the weekend it's gorgeous again. The first weekend that I noticed this I thought it was just coincidental. Then last weekend made the wheels start turning. And then after today (and the forecast for tomorrow) I'm considering getting into a boat myself and sailing out until I find that wall and secret stairway.

Are you guys watching me 24 hours a day? Just tell me now. It's really all starting to make sense. The reason I'm a terrible liar is because whoever I've tried to lie to already knew the truth and wouldn't let me lie to them. The reason I just know things will always work out and I don't get really worked up about them is because when you are the star of your own reality show, the producers won't let me fall too far.

So really, are you cringing when I pick my nose? Are you laughing at me when I sleep with my mouth wide open? Am I wasting my time editing and reediting this because you are reading as I am typing it?

If so, it's fine really. I will keep playing along on 'The Lacey Show' as long as my channel continues to get good ratings. I can't let the people down. But, since I have figured you all out, I promise to keep quiet and play along if you can just grant me a few small things:
  • Please tell me my family is my real family because I quite like them and it just won't be the same if they are just clever actors and actresses.
  • Can I just quit working? I promise I'd be way more interesting and entertaining if I was home all of the time.
  • Can you get me a new place to live? We've quite outgrown this place but are stuck because of your "made up" mortgage crisis in this "country."
That's all I ask. Producers, help a girl out. I've put on such a good show for you for 28 years already - it's the least you can do.

And for the rest of you, thanks for tuning in! I think I'm going to really put on a good show for you for the next few years - you just wait and see!

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Monday, February 7, 2011

Happy Birthday Danny!

Today is my brother-in-law Danny's birthday! Happy Birthday Danny!

Danny is married to my sister Joy, the mother of the twin girls I may have mentioned a time or two before. He's been around for a very long time too, just like my other brother-in-law Chris. I think the first time I met him, I was around 12 or so, but I can't remember my exact age. I do remember meeting him for the first time though.

Joy was getting ready to go out on a date with Danny, and it was the infamous "meet the parents" time in their relationship. Along with meeting the parents, Danny also got to meet the little brother and sister - lucky him! When the doorbell rang, I ran to the door to let him in and my first two thoughts were this: "Whoa. He's really tall." and "Whoa. He has a ponytail!"

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& after all of these years full of family vacations, birthday celebrations and holidays, Danny has just become one of the family, less the in-law status. Ponytail and all.

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Eventually though, the pony rode off into the sunset and Danny stayed.

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And then would come this part in my normal formula for writing a birthday blog: [Tell a little story about something funny regarding this family member.] And Danny is definitely in the top tier of funny family members, but my brain is really struggling lately. & this is all I came up with...

So each Christmas, Danny and Joy would give each other Christmas presents during our normal family Christmas celebration. This one year, Danny was giving Joy a gift in a huge, heavy box and Joy was really excited about whatever was in it.

So Joy rips open the present, opens the box, and there was a gallon of paint in there! What the??

Of course, it was just a decoy present, and her actual present was something really light and little. And if I could remember what the actual present was, this would be a good place to mention it.... [crickets]

Oh ha, ha, ha! Soooo funny right?

(Danny, don't hate me. This was all my brain allowed for me to come up with! You know I love ya!)

So anyways, then the wonderful Danny married my even wonderfuller sister, Joy, (sorry Danny, I had to!) along with Mickey and Minnie in Disney World.

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And then came the beautiful blonde girls, and they all lived happily ever after.
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Happy happiest birthday Danny! We love you!

And in typical Danny voice: BA HA HA, I'm justtttttt kiddinnnnnnnnn.