Friday, May 29, 2009

Oh poop, it's Friday

I know I'm posting this early in the morning, perhaps you should eat your breakfast before reading...

I'm glad it's Friday, but this morning didn't start off so well.

I stepped in poop.

And you are thinking, "ohhh I hate when that happens to me!"

Once, on the way to the bus stop when I was little, I stepped in the most massive pile of dog poop ever. I didn't realize it until I was sitting in my seat on the bus, the seat with the wheel hump, and I smelled something rank coming from my feet. I saw the poop all over the bottom of my shoe and decided to wipe the poop off on the wheel hump under my feet. I then decided to switch seats so no one knew I was the pooperator.

Then, as each kid got on the bus it was a "EWWW who farted!?! Grosssssssssss!" And all the windows were put down and we stuck our heads out of the windows to breathe. I participated in the ewwwss and grossssssssssses to conceal my guiltiness. When I got back on the bus that afternoon, the bus driver took me aside and said "Lacey, why did you wipe that poop all over my bus floor?" and I said "I didn't! No way it wasn't me!", but I'm pretty sure she saw through my lies.

So yeah, that was bad. But I don't think you realize the extremity of my poop stepping this morning.

You see, Tuna from time to time has to have his hair trimmed around his booty area. If we do not, an occasional turd (sorry Mama, I know you hate the word "turd"...TURD TURD TURD!) will get stuck in his hair which he can carry to wherever he pleases. I'm pretty sure this is called a "dingleberry". Well, said dingleberry decided to fall off on our stairs at some point last night or this morning. Poop, if you don't know, is brown in color, and if you recall, our stairs have been stained and are no longer carpet. Therefore our stairs are also brown in color. Brown poop on brown stairs in the dark turns out to be hard to see.

But not to worry, you may not be able to see it, but you can definitely feel it squish on the bottom of your bare foot as you step in it.

Guess what we'll be doing this weekend? Shaving a kitty butt!

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I'd Do It Again

So I did it. I went to my first Nascar race this weekend and I can actually say I'd do it again. But let's get some things straight first:
  1. Yes, the actual race is very boring. If you, too, have never been to a race and think, "Why is that entertaining at all, there are just a bunch of cars going in circles?", you are correct. Watching some cars take a million left turns did not appeal to me at all. However, with a different situation (and possibly some right turns) I may have thought differently.
  2. If the different situation involved not getting rained (POURED) on for hours, this may help the case.
  3. If the different situation also involved the race not getting cancelled due to rain and it occurred on the original day it was scheduled, which would've been after a full day of tailgating, I think the race and the people watching would have been 10 times better.
  4. The people are really not as redneck as you would think! I expected to come back with some crazy pictures like this:

    ...but I really didn't get any at all! I did get one of this guy that was in the infield in a pair of camouflage overalls (I'm assuming they are overalls and not a dress, which is what it looks like to me in this picture) with no shirt on underneath:

    5. The whole point of the race is the tailgating. That was where all the fun was had, and what made me decide that I would come to another race.
So in conclusion:

Race = Boring
Race + Rain = Cancelled Race

Cancelled Race + Drunk Crazy People = Laundry Detergent Slip 'n Slide:

Jinglejugs = Endless hours of Fun

Monday, May 18, 2009

Blogger's Block

I seriously have had nothing new to say for the past couple of weeks. So instead of saying nothing, I'll help myself out with some old pictures. Pictures do say a thousand words you know. But, not too old - mainly because I'm lazy and don't want to bother scanning those ancient non-digital files into my computer - so we're talking old as in 2004 or 2005, the beginning of my digital picture collection. Whoaaa, I wonder if I even looked the same wayyyy back then. So here are some random pictures for your enjoyment...

We'll start with June 19th (or so), 2004:

This day was the day my precious little nieces came home from the hospital after a three-month long preemie stay. Also pictured are nephews Vince (7) and Seth (4). Also pictured is my lovely outfit, which has since been donated to Goodwill (or "Big Wheel" as my nieces (now 5) like to call it) because I will never be small enough to fit those clothes again.

May 22, 2005

Meet Theo. Theo was our 4th kitten in only 6 months. Our first kitty Simon died while on the operating table getting neutered. Aww I miss him. John decided the very next day we were ready for a new kitty so we purchased Oreo/Jackson. He never had a real name because we ended up not liking him after only 1 day and returning him. Sorry little buddy. We then got Reese and he was here to stay, but needed a little playmate. So then came Theo. Theo was a pretty expensive Persian that we thought looked just like a gremlin! See for yourself:

EDIT: John says that I am wrong. Gizmo was a mogwai and not a gremlin. Whatev. Mogwai, gremlin, same difference right?

Theo would've been a nice addition to our family, except Theo refused to eat. We tried everything. Bought a bottle and kitty formula in case he was taken from his mommy too soon, wet food, dry food, took him to the vet, shoved his cute little face in his food bowl....EVERYTHING. We eventually had to return him to his cat-lady owner (seriously she was a cat-lady, she had about 30 cats in her house!) because he was going to die of starvation. She had no problems getting him to eat at her house. We evenutally decided he was just a social kitten and preferred to have 30 brothers/sisters instead of just one...and since we weren't crazy cat people he decided that he was going to protest by not eating. At least that's what we told ourselves to make us feel better.

After Theo, came Tuna. And we all know and love Tuna, don't we?

May 27, 2006:

Here are my sister Joy, brother Colt and niece Lori in a paddle boat at Pirateland campground in Myrtle Beach, SC. We will be returning to Pirateland in 38 days and I can't wait! When I was little we went to this campground every summer for our summer vacation. We still try to go at least once a year, even if just for a weekend. For the first time with my family, John is coming camping this year! Yay!

This year our campsite is just to the ------> in that picture. I seem to be the only one concerned, but, the site we are staying on is on the campground lake. We used to stay on this same site all the time but had a much smaller camper. Now, we are taking the gigantic 35 ft. (I think its 35, not totally sure) camper to this campsite and the end of it is going to have to hang over the water!! I am paranoid that too many of us will be on one end at the same time and we are just going to roll into the lake. And there are nasty crabs, fish and even (gasp) snakes in this lake! Why am I the only one that thinks this is a bad idea?

Now if that wasn't the most random, unorganized, incoherent blog post ever...

Friday, May 15, 2009

5 Things

Lately it seems everyone is doing the "pick your five" things on facebook. I did participate in a couple of those, but have since quit because applications are seriously polluting facebook! But, I still think these are fun to do so I'll pollute my own blog instead. Plus, this way I get to write commentary which I know everyone is dying to read. So here goes...

5 Toys Which Remind You of Your Childhood

1. Fashion Plates - Hand-me-down toy from my sisters who are 8 and 12 years older than me, so all of my childhood I drew out of style fashion models. But fun nonetheless!

2. Waffle Town - My brother and I spent days and days making towns and playing with them. My parents still have these in their garage in case I my kids ever want to play with them again.

3. Cabbage Patch Kids - You know how you could mail back the birth certificate and change their names? Well I never did. I know two of my babies were named Aldo and Muriel. Beautiful, just beautiful names.

4. Hot Wheels - I remember asking Santa one year for him to ONLY bring me Hot Wheels cars. He didn't listen, probably because I already had hundreds of them. And just so you know, Hot Wheels were WAY better than Matchbox.

5. Perler Beads - Such a delicate art of standing up little beads on a pegboard to make designs, which you would iron to melt the plastic together. What did you do with them after you were done, you ask? Never did figure out the answer to that question...

Favorite Candy
1. Reese's Cups

2. Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Squares

3. Kit Kats

4. Peanut Butter Twix

5. Cookies and Cream Hershey Bars

Umm, no commentary needed here. Pretty self-explanatory...I love chocolate.

5 Things You Hate That Everyone Else Seems to Love

1. Fake tanning. And not just because I'm the whitest white girl ever (although that probably did help when forming my opinion), but because I have seen so many people that start tanning and it becomes like a drug. "Oh I'm still so white, I need to tan more!" It doesn't look good when you get so burnt orangey! Trust me! And then, you may look like this lady we saw at the beach last year when you get older...and I know you don't wanna look like this:

2. Coffee. It just doesn't taste good! It is one of the few things that I think smell really good but the taste...ick!

3. Grey's Anatomy. Or let's broaden this even wider and say all sitcoms/drama shows. I don't know why, I used to like these shows. But along came reality TV and stole my heart. I feel like I am cheating on reality TV if I watch these shows. But everyone else seems to love them...about half of my friends' statuses today on FB had to do with Grey's.

4. Exercising. I HATE to exercise. I am just unathletic and always feel like I'm doing it wrong. But everyone else seems to love it...the gym parking lots are always packed! I wish I loved this one.

5. The ocean. I love the beach, but the ocean is so scary! There are creepy crawly squishy things all in that water, not to mention attack seaweed! Once, I was out in the ocean (before I was skeeeerrrreedd of it) wearing a bikini where the bottoms had the tie strings on either side, and some ATTACK SEAWEED started attacking my legs!! I kicked and kicked to get it off of me, until I had finally escaped it's fury, only to see my bathing suit bottoms floating away. Oops, guess that was just my bathing suit strings that time.

So that's the only good ones I saw today...if I see some more I might do a '5 Things Part 2'! Isn't that exciting!!? I know you can't wait!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Gyceem Cuck

Back when I was a wee little thing:

...I used to call an ice cream truck a gyceem cuck. Somehow or another this pronunciation stuck around all these years and I still call them that to this day. Anytime the subject of gyceem cucks are brought up, my mom tells the story of how hard it was to scrounge up enough change for my 2 sisters and I (my brother was a bit too young at the time for ice cream) to get an ice cream every time the truck came through the neighborhood. Perhaps the reason we moved to a house that wasn't in a neighborhood when I was 5?

Anyways, since we lived a little bit out of the city from the time I was 5 on, an ice cream truck was a real treat for me when I was at my friends' houses or at the beach. I didn't get very many ice cream truck experiences growing up.

Fast forward to 2009. I now live in a neighborhood. Every time I hear the ice cream truck coming through my neighborhood I get really excited and run to scrounge up some cash for the orange sherbet push pop I am dying to have. I can hear the music from the truck as it circles the neighborhood and I just look out my window and wait. And wait. And wait. Until finally, I don't hear the music anymore. For some ridiculous reason, my street gets skipped every time!

Yesterday I'm telling this story to my family at Mother's Day dinner. I'm warned that ice cream from an ice cream truck is overpriced and I should just buy the ice cream from the store. This coming from a sister that lived in a neighborhood until she was 17. Doesn't she understand I'm making up for the lack of this childhood experience!? It's not even about the ice cream! Regardless, I tell them that it is so unfair that the truck never comes down my street. To make myself feel better, I have a second (LARGE) piece of my sister's chocolate pound cake....DELISH!

Then I come home. Not an hour later, I hear the gyceem cuck circling the neighborhood. I don't care if he never comes down my street today. I just had 2 big pieces of cake!

And then guess what happened. (You know where this is going, right?) That stupid truck came down my street. And none of my neighbors even purchased anything so I bet he never comes here again.

Stupid ice cream man...I hope your truck goes from this:

To this:

Monday, May 4, 2009

Call her Ms. Raider call her Ms. Wrong...

...Call her Ms. Vain. (For those of you already confused, first, SHAME ON YOU! Second, here.) And I have no clue what Ms. Raider or Ms. Wrong means. So if I just said something awful about myself, just scratch that!

So yeah call me Ms. Vain, but here are a ton of pictures of ME! And John. We had our first session of engagement pictures this weekend with our photographer Dawn. She is awesome!

For the record, John and I did not plan on even having engagement pictures taken. From what we had seen in others' engagement pictures, they just weren't us. We are not romantic in the least bit, and we knew we wouldn't be comfortable with the fake posing. But along came Dawn. When we looked at her pictures, we saw that her pictures weren't so cheesy and posed. For the most part, the subjects were just smiling, with an occasional kiss here and there. This was a style that suited us.

So we did it. And we're gonna do it again. Here are some pictures from Session 1. And she informed me that there are more from the first session that she hasn't even put up yet, so I'll be posting more as I get them.


And that is all for now...

[cue compliments...or insults if you so please]


Friday, May 1, 2009

fan: /fæn/ – noun

fan: an enthusiastic devotee, follower, or admirer of a sport, pastime, celebrity, etc.: a baseball fan; a great fan of Charlie Chaplin.

Dear Facebook and Facebook Users,

Please refer to the above definition of "fan". If you need additional help, please know this:

I understand you being a fan of these things:


Or even this, if you so please:

What I do not understand, is this:

So many of you becoming "fans" of these items...
...that they are now showing up in my "people you may know" list. Please stop. It is polluting my facebook experience.

Thanks in advance,

A Disgruntled Facebooker