Monday, March 30, 2009

OCD: Obesessive Clothing Disorder

I'm going to the dermatologist today. I have to go every six months for a full body check-up because I once had basil cell skin cancer removed from my face. This involves stripping down to only your bra and panties as Mr. Dermatology Doctor goes over every (uncovered) square inch of me with a gigantic magnifying glass looking for oddly shaped moles and other skin issues. The only part that gets a little uncomfortable is when he asks you to roll over from your stomach to your back and your glamorous paper robe gets all tangled up and you lay there in your undies trying to untangle yourself while he waits. But I'm sure this happens to everyyyyybody right??

My entire family goes to this doctor. He's got the best memory ever. He's never seen any of us together obviously (how even MORE awkward would untangling your paper robe be if your dad and sister were also in the room?) but he knows that we are all family. "I saw your Mom last week." "How's your sister and her family? Are the twins growing up fast?" etc., etc. I'd say his memory is pretty amazing!

Which brings me to my problem. Most, if not all of my underwear are, we'll say, less than full coverage. (Did I seriously just tell the entire internets my preferred style of underwearing?) I do have one pair of boy shorts underwear though. And for the last 3 or 4 years I have worn these to every dermatology appointment I've been to. I feel a little less uncomfortable untangling my paper robe when my cheeks aren't out in all their glory, so I always choose the boy shorts for this appointment. So today I realize that if my doctor can remember my entire family and everything else about us, he probably also realizes that I am always wearing the same underwear. I'm seriously considering going to buy another pair at lunch.

This is a really big issue for me, bigger than you probably realize...

Meet my clothing spreadsheet:

Everyday that I work, one of the first things I do in the morning is open up this spreadsheet and update it with what I am wearing that day. I try not to repeat a shirt in the same month. Pants I usually wear more than once a month, but not shirts. I have issues, I am aware of this.

I can tell you what I wore everyday since June 19, 2006. For example:

March 20, 2007: Hot Pink 3/4 length sweater, Black Lace Tank from 5-7-9, and Black Pants with pin striped squares, Leather Jacket

March 20, 2008: Teal NY&Co Argyle Sweater Vest, Baby Blue L/S Collared NY & Co, Black Pants w/ Ribbon Belt Loops, Mossimo Black Jacket

March 20, 2009: Coral S/S Button-Up Shirt, The Limited Khaki Pants, Pink Cordoroy Jacket

I can also tell you that I wore my 3/4 length Blue Sweater from Dillard's 5 times in the first year, 2 times the next year, but only once this year. Hmm, possibly time to give it to Goodwill?Clearly, as you can see, this a very useful tool. I've offered to make one for some of my friends but no one has ever taken me up on my offer. I don't understand why everyone doesn't want one of these!

So what do you think? Am I just crazy? (I might not want you to truthfully answer that.) Or do I need to invest in another pair of extra coverage undies?


Joy said...

I'm glad you are finally coming to grips with your disorder. I seriously cannot believe you have a spreadsheet :-) My spreadsheet would be 5 lines long so no need for that!! Yes, everyone must be uncomfortable for the flip over at the derm's office! Love how he probably remembers your one pair of grannies! Ha!!!! I LOL!!!!

Katie said...

YIKES! Maaaybe he thinks you have a drawer full of the same pair of undies?!?!

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