Monday, March 30, 2009

OCD: Obesessive Clothing Disorder

I'm going to the dermatologist today. I have to go every six months for a full body check-up because I once had basil cell skin cancer removed from my face. This involves stripping down to only your bra and panties as Mr. Dermatology Doctor goes over every (uncovered) square inch of me with a gigantic magnifying glass looking for oddly shaped moles and other skin issues. The only part that gets a little uncomfortable is when he asks you to roll over from your stomach to your back and your glamorous paper robe gets all tangled up and you lay there in your undies trying to untangle yourself while he waits. But I'm sure this happens to everyyyyybody right??

My entire family goes to this doctor. He's got the best memory ever. He's never seen any of us together obviously (how even MORE awkward would untangling your paper robe be if your dad and sister were also in the room?) but he knows that we are all family. "I saw your Mom last week." "How's your sister and her family? Are the twins growing up fast?" etc., etc. I'd say his memory is pretty amazing!

Which brings me to my problem. Most, if not all of my underwear are, we'll say, less than full coverage. (Did I seriously just tell the entire internets my preferred style of underwearing?) I do have one pair of boy shorts underwear though. And for the last 3 or 4 years I have worn these to every dermatology appointment I've been to. I feel a little less uncomfortable untangling my paper robe when my cheeks aren't out in all their glory, so I always choose the boy shorts for this appointment. So today I realize that if my doctor can remember my entire family and everything else about us, he probably also realizes that I am always wearing the same underwear. I'm seriously considering going to buy another pair at lunch.

This is a really big issue for me, bigger than you probably realize...



Meet my clothing spreadsheet:


Everyday that I work, one of the first things I do in the morning is open up this spreadsheet and update it with what I am wearing that day. I try not to repeat a shirt in the same month. Pants I usually wear more than once a month, but not shirts. I have issues, I am aware of this.

I can tell you what I wore everyday since June 19, 2006. For example:

March 20, 2007: Hot Pink 3/4 length sweater, Black Lace Tank from 5-7-9, and Black Pants with pin striped squares, Leather Jacket

March 20, 2008: Teal NY&Co Argyle Sweater Vest, Baby Blue L/S Collared NY & Co, Black Pants w/ Ribbon Belt Loops, Mossimo Black Jacket

March 20, 2009: Coral S/S Button-Up Shirt, The Limited Khaki Pants, Pink Cordoroy Jacket

I can also tell you that I wore my 3/4 length Blue Sweater from Dillard's 5 times in the first year, 2 times the next year, but only once this year. Hmm, possibly time to give it to Goodwill?Clearly, as you can see, this a very useful tool. I've offered to make one for some of my friends but no one has ever taken me up on my offer. I don't understand why everyone doesn't want one of these!

So what do you think? Am I just crazy? (I might not want you to truthfully answer that.) Or do I need to invest in another pair of extra coverage undies?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Prayers Please

I recently started using google analytics and love it! It tells you how many visitors you have and where they came from. No worries to anyone that might read and not comment...I don't comment on lots of blogs I read either. Please, keep reading! I LOVE when I see a new state or country! Hello Bolivia!!

Anyways, since I discovered this, (and saw my blog was read in a whole EIGHT different countries!) I thought I would use it to ask a simple favor.

Would you please pray for my Daddy?

Ore por favor para mi Papá.

S'il vous plaît prier pour mon Papa.

Bitte beten Sie für meinen Vati.

Per favore di pregare per il mio Papà.

Bid alstublieft voor mijn Papa.

Por favor ore para meu Papai.

Пожалуйста молитесь относительно моего Папы.

Vær så snill og be for min Pappa.

请为我的爸爸请求。

私のパパのために祈りを捧げてください。

In case you didn't know I actually am not fluent in 11 different languages (shocking I know), so please know I used freetranslation.com and if I accidentally said please pray for my second-cousin's goldfish, then I'll also use the universal language of pictures to convey my request:






Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thank You Lindsay!

My precious gorgeous niece Lindsay mailed me the most beautiful picture ever today! How do I know it was from Lindsay and not her twin sister Lori? Because she even wrote her name on the envelope:

This was the front of the card. I am going to have to wait further explanation, but I think it is a boy, which I would guess is John, and then a girl (me?) and then a little girl with long pretty eyelashes (Lindsay!).


And this was the inside. My favorite parts are the purple flowers at the top and the purple ant. The squirrel sticker was a nice touch too!


I just called and thanked her, and she told me I was even invited to her 5th birthday party next week! I can't wait!

I also talked to Lori, and she made a picture for John that she wants to send him too. I'll make sure to share her masterpiece too!

Thank you Lindsay! I love you! (And I love you too Lori!)

3 Short Stories About Beards

Story 1

Remember bearded iPod guy? (Paragraph 1, Sentence 5, words 6-8) Well guess what? He is no longer bearded! What a nice change! Today in the elevator I looked around and noticed all the usuals, except for one man that I hadn't seen before. He was listening to his iPod. His backpack looked vaguely familiar. And then, by the time we got past floor 24 or so, I figured it out! He shaved that nastiness from his face! Yay!! I declare today national de-beard day!

Story 2

Last Friday, Friday the thirteenth mind you, I was walking my few blocks to work. When all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a bearded man jumped out of the bushes, leaves all stuck up in that bearded monstrosity, right when I happened to be walking by. He was screaming expletives and saying something about kicking a certain body part. I ran for my life. Luckily, I was wearing tennis shoes that morning (my "commuter shoe") since my feet have been self diagnosed as having midtarsal faults. (Paragraph 4, Sentence 3, words 4-18) He meant business. I'm lucky to be alive.

Story 3

We have a friend named Roger. He recently grew his beard out and looked like a crazy man. Take a look for yourself:

wow, isn't that a great picture of me, by the way??
So please tell me, why on Earth you'd wanna look like that, when you could look like this:

Well, his reasoning was pretty good. He won $100! Isn't looking like a mountain man/Jesus for a few months worth a whole one hundred dollars!?

And as for the rest of you, (unless of course you are a leprechaun...

...which pretty much require a beard for the job) please please shave it. It's for your own good. I'm only here to help.

The end.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Crawlin Around Town

This weekend I planned on not leaving the house and sleeping a minimum of 60 hours. But by Friday at 8:30 p.m. or so, I had a change of heart. Instead of catching up on sleep and resting, I decided to do something just a little bit different...

Yesterday we participated in the
world's largest bar crawl! For St. Patrick's Day (and for $25 a person!) you can participate in this all day bar crawl in downtown Charlotte. It starts at Dixie's Tavern at 1:00, and then there is a schedule of what times you are supposed to go to each bar downtown. Since there are about 4,000 people they split everyone into two groups and have 2 or three bars as the options for each time slot. The Travel Channel was also there filming the bar crawl to be featured on their show called Extreme. When it comes on look for me, I was wearing an orange t-shirt:


We went to Dixie's first to pick up our awesome orange t-shirts and koozies and hats:


Dixie's was ridiculously crowded (probably had something to do with all 4,000 people being at the same place picking up t-shirts!) so we left there and went to Alley Cat. From there we went to Forum, made a pit stop at Fuel Pizza, The Attic, tried to go to Stool Pigeons (again, too crowded), went to Nix (and ate again), then Howl at the Moon, Wild Wing, StrikeCity, and then Buckhead. Unfortunately for me, my feet have been hurting lately (I self diagnosed them as having midtarsal faults...owie) and this crawl did not involve crawling at all, but walking. I demand a refund, that was definitely false advertising!

I definitely had luck o' the Irish! Can you believe that I found both a green feather boa and a shamrock headband all in one day? Who gets rid of valuables such as this!? That just proves to me that I must be Irish...you just don't get that kind of luck otherwise! I'm going to use this good luck to go into my neighbors' backyard of clovers and find a four leaf clover, and then when the sun comes out during this rain we are having today, I'm going to go to the end of the rainbow and find my pot of gold. You would think that I would just go buy a lottery ticket with the numbers I got in my fortune cookie earlier, but nooo, the saying is 'Luck of the Irish' not 'Luck of the Chinese' duh!

Please enjoy these pictures of me and my luckiness. You would think that I would also say something about how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends and blah blah blah, but trust me, have you ever met these people?! Lucky would not be the word I'd use to describe these friendships. Misfortune maybe, but not lucky.


And look! We even found a little leprechaun:




Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Monday, March 9, 2009

I guess I'm not a real girl.

I'm not like the rest of the girls. I don't understand the giddiness that most girls have about weddings. And I certainly didn't dream of this day every day of my life. When asked what I want for my wedding, I have no idea. I do not think this is the most important day of my life. We've been living together for 4 and a half years already! What will be the difference?! I just see it as a legality and a time for a party. A slightly larger party than the one's we typically have, requiring lots more money. But me, I guess I'm just not a real girl.

My sister and I went to a bridal show yesterday, mainly because a photographer I was interested in was going to be there. I think we stopped and talked to 5 vendors at the whole place. I don't think either of us were in the mood to deal with sales people. And for me, when they asked me "Soooooooo, when's the big day?????

I couldn't express an equal amount of enthusiasm when responding "October 24th". I just can't do it. Fake is obviously not my forte.

I AM excited I guess. I'm most excited about the honeymoon. I love to travel and to go to a new place will be great. Plus, I don't think we've ever been on a vacation by ourselves. Hey, at least we saved something for marriage. What?! TMI? Oops. But on the same subject, how on Earth will we ever pick a place to go to? John wants to do beachy, so that pretty much narrows it down to the Caribbean because for some reason I don't even consider the U.S. an option. But there are a million islands! And I'm not a lay on the beach all day every day kind of girl so this is difficult! Someone just choose for me!

The wedding is as much exciting as nerve-wracking. I am excited about having all of our friends and family in one place to celebrate us, but not excited about the following:

1. They are ALL gonna be looking at me. I don't think I can suck in for that long, so I either (a) need to get a corset type dress or (b) actually start exercising and eating right. The laziness in me says just go with (a) but then again, maybe this will make me learn to love veggies!

2. I have to learn to drink wine. I'm not a wine type of girl. I love a good beer. And not just a good beer, but any beer. But I don't think having a beer in my hand all night is very pretty. Unless we can dye some beer a reddish tint and then pour it in a wine glass. Now we're talking!

3. Do we really have to do a first dance in front of all of those people? For the length of an entire song? Won't they get sick of seeing us spin in circles? If we must do this, I am gonna edit a song and make it 1 minute long tops. Maybe a verse and then a chorus and that should be good!

(Wow it seems like I have a way to get around everything so far!)

4. I think it's pretty much expected that the bride is on the dance floor for most of the night. Here's my predicament. First, I pretty much only know how to shake my butt. That is not considered dancing by any means. Second, I only shake my butt when I've been drinking. Third, I don't really drink in front of my family much and I definitely do not want to be drunk at my wedding. So will someone please explain to me how to do all of these things without looking like a total dork. I guess I better learn the Cupid Shuffle and put that junk on repeat.

Trust me, there are more. But I should wait to spill all of my apprehensions. Everyone will start asking me why on Earth I'm having a wedding and send me to the justice of the peace. But I'm gonna do this. Just watch.

So as of now, I have a venue, a photographer, ceremony musician, and a DJ. And my awesome wedding planner sister has some centerpieces we can use...for FREE! I think we're pretty much done right?

I also picked a main color, but don't want to give it away just yet. I'll give you a hint, it's a color located in this picture:


Happy guessing!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Time for a Trim

If you recall, our kitty Tuna received a gorgeous haircut back in September. Tuna was the talk of the town, and all of the neighborhood cats were jealous of his beauty.

However, like with anything, SOME people claimed that we humiliated our poor kitty with his haircut. They obviously don't have an eye for style. We just hoped Tuna agreed with us.

To play it safe though, we let his hair grow back out. And just like last time, it started getting matted. Poor little guy. He told us he liked the haircut last time and wouldn't mind another one, but if we could try to make it a little less choppy this time. We told him we'd do our best.

How'd we do?
Don't worry, I don't think he's crying!

I might as well take this time to also promote our new pet sitting business. For the first 50 customers we'll also groom your pet before you come back to pick them up. You'd be crazy to pass up a deal like this!

Juan - My Personal Landscaper

Meet Juan:

He is my personal landscaper and has recently made our tiny little backyard into something usable! I didn't always believe in Juan's abilities however.

Just last year I hired Juan to plant some grass in our town house's backyard. It was just a small task and thought this should be no problemo. Juan ended up doing a bueno job and we had beautiful grass in no time. All was happy in mi casa.

Then, the unthinkable happened. The neighbor had a backyard consisting of all clovers. These clovers crept under the fence and started wreaking havoc on our beautiful green lawn. I spoke with Juan and he suggested using weed killer. Okay great! However, Juan is an extremist, and after weed killer wasn't killing weeds fast enough, he decided if we couldn't have a lawn consisting of only beautiful grass, we would have no lawn at all. Juan purchased Round Up grass AND weed killer and killed off everything. We had a backyard of dead grass and mud for the next year.

Fast forward to Valentine's day. Juan decided it would be nice to finally redeem himself. I offered no input this time, not wanting to get my hopes up. But he did mucho bueno this time. He extended the patio, made some lovely flower boxes, purchased a new fire pit, and bought sod for the parts that were left. Juan is here to stay. Te amo Juan!




He did such a great job, I may just even invite Juan over for some fun nights around the fire pit this summer. Mucho gracias Juan!